Swhet Productions

So, as I'm sure everyone knows, Fallout: New Vegas has been out for several months. And as I'm sure every one knows, it has more bugs than a hooker on a saturday night. I will admit, that game was aight. But, in comparison to Falllout 3, that came was like trudging through 3 feet of but pudding.

I'd like to start out with the bugs. The bugs that were everywhere. The bugs you can't hide from. The bugs that made me have to play the first hour of the game three times. I tried to load my save game, then my XBOX would tell me that my disk was unreadable. So I had to wipe my hard drive of any evidence that I ever played that game and start all over. When I was in new vegas, I walked up to a hooker out side Gohmorrah (one of the casinos, also used for sex) and tried to talk to her. All she had to say to me was "Look what I can do." She started dancing... and floating away. I must admit, even though most whores discust me and do not impress me in the slightest, she blew my expectations out of the park. And yes, that was supposed to have multiple puns. VATS was screwy sometimes. And the enemys would glitch through the floor.

Secondly, the FUCKING INVISIBLE WALLS! I mean Christ almighty. I understand making it so you can't walk up a hill that has a certain slope, but when you managed to get on top of that hill, and feel accomplished, because red rock canyon is right over there, and realise there is an invisible wall on a FLAT AREA, you want to throw your controller into the TV and go get a puppy drunk.

Thridly, the music. The music was an attempt to recreate the feel of the music in fallout 3, which let me say, was awesome. The music was okay, but there were too many radio stations, each of which did not have enough songs. So you would listen to the same 3 or 4 songs over and over again, unless you changed the station. And let me say, the radio hosts on some of the channels, do not even get close to living up to the standards of Three dog (AAAWWWOOOO!)

Fourth, the quests. My god, the quests. They stacked, and they stacked, and they stacked, and they stacked. You would start one, go to talk to someone else, start another, talk to someone else, start another, talk to someone else. Then you would complete that quest, and have to go back up the pyramid of quest givers. It was total bullshit. And, there was no where near enough combat in this game. It was way to diplomatic. Too much talking, not enough shooting.

Fifth, the perks. Most of the perks in this game were really hard to decide on. It's like voting for prime minister. They ALL suck, you just have to choose the lesser of 50 evils. For example, Lead Belly. You get 50% less radiation when you drink from a irradiated water source. I'd like to add, it's damn near impossible to get radiation poisoning in this game. Because 95% of all water is not irradiated.

Sixth, the weapons. Too many fucking weapons.

Seventh, achievements. Some game developer is laughing his ass off somewhere about the fact he put in an achievement for getting kicked out of all the casinos on the strip. I'm pretty sure there is at least 3. What does this entail? Winning 10,000 chips at either black jack, roulette, or slots. So it's completely based on luck. So you'd have to spend 24 hours to complete this achievement. And the achevement for winning 30 games of caravan. The most impossible card game ever invented. Each game takes roughly 5 minutes. Give or take a minute. So, assuming you win EVERY game without losing once, that MINIMUM 150 minutes, or 2 and a half hours of playing cards in a video game. When you could be outside making friends. Which we all know, you don't have any. There is also an achievement for healing 10,000 points of damage with food. The only way I managed to get this achievement was through yet another bug. And it still took me over 3 hours. There are many more, but those are the worst.

8th, "Choose your own path." This game just gives the illusion that you are choosing what path you take. But every story choice, whether you choose to help the New California Republic, Mr. House, Yes Man, or the Legion, all have the same quests. So it's all the same game, no matter what you choose. The 19 minute outro is kinda annoying after the first 5. It tells you what happened to a whole bunch of obscure characters you talked to for like 5 minutes, and you quite honestly don't care. Character development was alright, although, that goes hand in hand with the "Choose your own path" deelio.

Any fallout fan who has played New Vegas will agree that this is possibly the biggest, greasiest, blackest, piece of shit to ever hit the fan of Bathesda industries. So, here are my final ratings:

Story (Originality): 1/5 BULLSHIT!!!s

Gameplay: 3/5 BULLSHIT!!!s

Bugs: 5/5 BULLSHITS!

Voice Acting/ Script: 2/5 BULLSHIT!!!'s

Plot developments/twists: 2/5 BULLSHIT!!!S

Character Growth: 2/5 BULLSHIT!!!s

Ending: 2/5 BULLSHIT!!!s

18/35 or 2.57/5 BULLSHIT!!!s

Remember, the fewer bullshits, the better.